Hello, Vandelay Industries
Remember the classic Seinfeld episode?
George Costanza is out of time on his unemployment and he works harder than ever on his scheme to get a 13-week extension. He tells the unemployment office he is close to a job with fictitious "Vandelay Industries." He then gives Jerry Seinfeld's home address and phone number for the employment counselor to check out his story.
After the interview, George rushes into Jerry's apartment [here's a clip] and asks, "Did anybody call here asking for Vandelay Industries?" He implores Jerry, "When the phone rings, you have to answer 'Vandelay Industries.'" Jerry replies, "I'm Vandelay Industries? What is that?" George explains, "You're in latex." Jerry asks, "What do I do with latex?" George answers, "I don't know, you manufacture it." Jerry asks, "And what do I say about you?" George explains, "You're considering hiring me for your latex salesman." Jerry responds, "I'm gonna hire you as my latex salesman? I don't think so...If you think I'm looking for someone to just sit at a desk, pushing papers around, you can forget it. I get enough headaches just trying to manufacture the stuff."
Jerry then answers a phone call as George has asked, fronting as Vandaley Industries' office. Later, Cosmo Kramer wanders into the apartment, picks up the ringing phone, and says, "Hello... What Delay Industries?" George yells from the bathroom, "Vandelay! Say Vandelay!" But Kramer ignores George and says to the caller, "No, you're way, way, way off. Well yeah, that's the right number, but this is an apartment." George rushes out of the toilet with his pants at his knees yelling "Vandelay! Say Vandelay Industries!" He falls down as Jerry enters the room, sees George lying on the floor with his pants at his ankles and says, "And you wanna be my latex salesman?"
This funny story of George's potential employment with Vandelay Industries, part of what is reportedly Jerry Seinfeld's favorite episode of his show, came to mind a few days ago when both Kraft Foods and Abbott Laboratories announced names for their new spin-off companies.
Kraft named its snack foods company spin-off Mondelēz International, Inc. Abbott named its ethical drug company spin-off AbbVie.
On their face, both names sound as fictious as "Vandelay Industries." At least to my ear. But they are not fictitious. They are real.
Mondelēz emerged from 1,500 employee suggestions, with two ideas pushed together, "Monde" picked because it means "world" in French and, according to Kraft spokesperson Michael Mitchell, "lez" being "a play on délice [French for delight] or delicioso in Spanish." (Here's a Bloomberg Businessweek article on the name.) So are we to think of Oreos cookies as "world delight international"?
AbbVie is likewise a conjoined name, this one delivered by a branding firm. "Abb" of course retains a link to its Abbott derivation and "vie" comes from the Latin root for life. (Here's a Reuters article on the name.) So it's "'whatever Abb means to you' life" for Humira and all the other drugs that Abbott Labs now offers.
Nonetheless, whatever I think of these contrived names, they may stand the test of time and become second nature to us and connote the excellent products that the companies offer. (Though Huffington Post is out with a story suggesting that "Mondelēz" means "oral sex" in Russian slang, which, if true, suggests that Kraft may have a bigger issue on its hands than a name that is seen by some as too clever and not easily pronounced.)
Taking a 10,000 foot view of these naming decisions, the message I get is that naming a company or product or service is a fundamental strategic decision. Brand is the customer-facing, stakeholder-facing embodiment of the organization. If the name is "off," then the organization is disadvantaged in developing a clear and compelling identity and attracting and cementing those with whom it wants and needs relationships.
Having named many ventures and offerings, I can attest that navigating linguistic, connotative, legal and other obstacles to find a great name can be very difficult. Just finding a usable URL linking to the name is often a real challenge.
George Costanza thought Vandelay Industries would work for him (and it did until Kramer blew it). Kraft and Abbott through their best efforts likewise may have crafted names that meet the marks. I can't say whether in the end they have succeeded. (Though, again, I suspect "oral sex" was not a desired connotation!)
What I can say is that you need to start and end the "name game" with the question: "Does this name do the best possible job of promoting our strategic objectives and branding our company, product or service?" If the answer is not a resounding "yes," then best to reconsider the name and keep working to find something better.
